Strength
by Dorku No Renkinjutsushi
Summary: Iruka must be strong.KakaIru, Angsteh Story of DOOOM! Please enjoy responsibly.


Written for the FanTheatre challenges on LJ. Only changes are formatting.

_Naruto_ and all related characters, situations, and backdrops are the property of one Kishimoto Masashi. The only thing I own are the fanon ideas cast upon this tale.

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**Strength**

Sometimes, Iruka has to be strong. He knows this and is more than prepared to handle it. He is, after all, an Umino. And Uminos are famous for the hidden fire beneath the fluff-sweet-soft façade. Iruka's like those war fans that some of the kunoichi like to fight with; all silk and beauty on the outside, with hidden, deadly backbone of steel.

_What's your name? How old are you? Where are you from? What's your rank?_

Iruka knows how to be strong. He has to. He's the only remaining Umino (barring his twin sons, hidden away in some outlying village for their protection). He's the son of two of Konoha's strongest nin, both of whom turned down higher rank to care for him. He's a credit to their parenting…what little of it he got to experience. He's a credit to his former teachers, all of them dead (killed in the Kyuubi attack, like so many).

_Iruka! Are you ok? What happened? Where does it hurt? Oh, kami, why are you crying? 'Rukie, what happened?_

He has to be strong. He's a damn _teacher_. He teaches small children how to fight, and he has to be strong if he wants to return to his lover with average number of orifices. Teaching the cute little hellions known as Academy students, the future of Konoha, how to play with sharp, pointy objects takes an iron will and an amazing amount of strength. And it takes a lot of strength to teach children who will end up with a life-expectancy of less than thirty years. Iruka's classes actually have an even shorter life-expectancy…not because they are incompetent, but because they are so in-demand. It takes a lot of strength to keep teaching, knowing he's helping send all those children (the ones he's grown to love) to their early (very early…inexcusably early) deaths.

_Iruka, you can't just stop teaching. These kids survive as long as they do because _you_ who's teaching them. We all want your teams. I won't take a team until I get one of yours._

Teaching who he teaches requires strength. He's raised the last three Hyuugas (all of them emotionally defunct), an Uchiha and a half (both of them very emotionally defunct enough to put Hyuugas to shame), Rock Lee (and THAT took strength), and Uzumaki Naruto (the only child to truly put Iruka to the test). The other teachers all agree that Iruka deserves an award, a promotion, a raise, something. Iruka merely blushes and responds that he does it because he loves the children. Kakashi giggles as he says this. Later he tells him that he thinks it's sweet. Economically unsound, but sweet. And Iruka is always sweet. Always has been. It's why the kids he teaches love him so much and do so well. They all want to do well for Iruka-sensei.

'_Rukie! I got your team! I got your team! Isn't that great? ...'Rukie? 'Rukie…what's wrong? ...oh… Baby, I had to. If they knew…_

But more than teaching, more than genetics, more than how he makes a living, Iruka has to be strong. He has to be strong because he's a ninja. Even if he is only a chuunin. Even if he only works a desk job and teaches. Even if his last three missions were all accomplishable by the children he raises. Even if he's in more danger of death by rabbit than death by enemy ninja. Despite all this, Iruka must be strong.

_Oh, kami, Iruka, I was so scared. I got back and they said you'd been hurt and that they didn't know if you would live and if you'd ever wake up or walk again and I was so scared… But now it's ok, because you're here…_

Sometimes, Iruka has to be strong in ways people would never expect. Most people never expect that a mere chuunin is part of the hidden backbone of Konoha. The little chuunin himself doesn't know it. But Kakashi holds him up as his hidden strength, and all of the Jounin Elite have experienced the teacher's sweet, gentle heart. Jiraiya and Tsunade firmly agree that their innocent little chuunin is the reason that the village's nin are as in demand as they are. Parents fight to get their children in Iruka's class…which meant he usually ends up with the emotional retards. But if anyone is in the position to help them, it is Iruka.

'_Rukie, you can't save the world, baby. No one can. You're probably the closest any of us will ever get, though._

But most importantly, Iruka has to be strong for Kakashi. Kakashi's a jounin, but he depends on Iruka. Whenever Kakashi feels scared and alone and needy and hurt and worried and weak and sad and unhappy, he turns to Iruka. And Iruka opens his arms and heart for the man and brings him back home. He takes care of him and loves on him and nurses him through these 'break times.' Iruka is Kakashi's strength.

'_Rukie… 'Rukie…I killed another kid today… He looked like you… 'Rukie... I told her I didn't… but… but… I don't want to kill kids now that I have a team of my own. What if that kid was on someone else's team, was someone else's lover? What would I do if they killed Naruto or Sasuke or Sakura… what would I do if they killed you?_

But sometimes it's not easy to be strong. Sometimes, in the dark, hateful part of his heart, Iruka hates Tsunade for putting all of his babies into fights before they know enough, for throwing his kids into the fire of war before they can keep themselves alive, let alone a team. Sometimes, he hates her for putting Kakashi kill, especially when she knows he's close to 'breaking'. He even hates Kakashi sometimes, when the man is trying to hide the fact that he is about to 'break', that he is 'breaking', that he has 'broken'.

'_Rukie…I…I'm sorry. I…I didn't want you seeing me like that. It didn't seem…right… you don't deserve it. You haven't done anything wrong…_

It's not easy to be strong, not right now. Not when Kakashi's laying on a bed in front of him, chest rising and falling in time to the machine. His heart isn't going fast enough to keep him awake; barely fast enough to keep him alive, according to another machine to Iruka's left. Iruka's hand is starting to cramp from holding Kakashi's (taped with yet another monitor) for so long. He would kiss his lover's pale lips, now as grey as his hair, except for the plastic mask forcing Kakashi to be alive, to stay alive. He's careful not to disturb the stitches (all 582 of them) and bandages and everything holding his broken lover together.

The only proof the pale man is really alive are the sounds of machines and the tired, weak, hesitant, sad, scared, s l o w 'bubum' Iruka can just barely hear if he puts his head on the chest that he has rested on so many times.

Beep

Bubum(it's tired)

Beep

Bubum(it's weak)

Beep

Bubum(it's hesitant)

Kschh

Beep

Bubum(it's sad)

Kschh

Beep

Bubum(it's scared)

Kschh

Beep

Bubum(it's s l o w)

Kschh

Beep

Bu-(it's…)

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep…

As doctors rush in to try and revive the dying (dead) jounin, Iruka backs away numbly. Over and over and over he repeats to himself that he must be strong, that he is strong. As he hears a doctor yelling for Tsunade, he begins repeating Rule Twenty Five over and over and over, like a mantra that will save Kakashi.

It doesn't.

Sakura is the first to notice the tears on Iruka's face. He runs past her, running away from her and Tsunade and the hospital and the looks of pity and _away from Kakashi_. He runs away from the proof of his weakness, from the proof that he's just not strong enough.

Sometime later, Naruto finds him. He silently hands Iruka Kakashi's worn and battered dog tags, and the hitai-ate, just as worn and as battered as the dog tags. And it smells of Kakashi.

Silently, Naruto gathers the sobbing mess of a chuunin into his arms. He hugs him and holds him and silently tells him that everything will be alright (it won't be), that the hurt will go away (it won't), that somehow he'll survive (he will, but to what end?). Silently, he welcomes the sobbing teacher into that brotherhood of hell, the one of those who have lost a lover to the uncertain life of the ninja. He, too, sheds a few tears for his lost teacher and his lost lover (Sasuke is as good as dead…possessed by Orochimaru, his soul is already gone). He understands some of what Iruka feels, and it feels nice to help the man who once helped him.

Sometimes, Iruka has to be strong.

But right now isn't one of those times.

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Ah, angst...

Please comment if you notice anything you love/hate/cried over/laughed about. It helps me as a writer, and that's what I want!


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